the allure of the exotic

So, there is this show that my fiancee and I like to watch together, (well actually he just watches it and I sit with him and stew a bit). Why do I stew? There are two anchors of this show, a girl and a guy. Let's call them Kev and Ol. Ol is the girl and she really irks me. I don't usually bring out the irk factor but this chick irks me to the nth degree. My fiancee was wondering why she bothers me so much and I couldn't quite figure it out, offhand, so I went on IMDB and looked her up. I was curious what this girl's background was.
I was right . .. there's not much there. She is a model who got hooked up with this random tv network that is small and kind of geeky because she's half-Asian and she is interested in Asian gaming, or at least she has some knowledge of it. They are like "HELL YES, THIS GIRL IS SO HOT, I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT GARBAGE COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH SHE LOOKS SOOO GOOD, AND SHE'S PART ASIAN, THAT'S EVEN HOTTER!"
Yeah, funny thing how that Asian thing just brought it up a notch.
Ridiculous.
But guys like those "exotic" women. A Jew from New York? Feh. A Christian from Connecticut? Yawn.
It's funny, she's not horrible, or a horrific actress, I think it's just one of those situations where a girl is admired, adored, and even respected by men on the basis of her looks, and I resent that. Don't we have to work for our successes in life? The women who were just handed beauty at birth don't have even a tiny idea of what it is like to work for success, or for anything for that matter. I don't envy these women for that. I mean when their beauty is gone they have nothing. I guess it's just a reflection on my insecurity about looks and such. Or maybe I'm just annoyed at the idea that I know people who would be amazing on television, but this girl gets in based on looks and lineage.
In the end it doesn't really matter, she will continue her career, as will I. We all have to make our own lives wonderful, and be proactive, and I'm sure in her own way, she does that.
Even if she has the television personality of a wet noodle. . .

Why I Don't Like the Bikini Girl

So, when I watched American Idol auditions this year, I didn't really find much fault with most of the contestants, except one. Let's call her Bikini Girl. I never bothered to learn her real name. She comes into the audition skinny, toned, tall, in a skimpy bikini with a decent singing voice. Simon and Randy are just enjoying the picture and she gets into a diva match with Kara about a Mariah song. I wanted to be like, "honey this is your future, don't mess with someone who could make or break you and your career". So, I thought this week would be better, she's back, but at least she's wearing clothing. I was wrong. She was wearing an UGLY cocktail dress, black, extremely short with some kind of dead bird feathers on the bottom, no tights and hooker heels. She just looked cheap. She sings a couple of bars of "Breathe" by Faith Hill and it was so boring,beyond boring. And of course she goes on. It's such a joke, at least to me, because seeing people in the theatre business I have seen lots of girls who look like that and can project that image, with a heck of a lot more talent, who never get that kind of an opportunity.
And what kind of a story is it to tell your grandkids, "oh your grandma did something that shocked America, she went on a singing competition show in a skimpy bikini and showed America her goodies!" Vomit. I hate when women devalue themselves and their talents to just their bodies. It's like, honey, go on Top Model, there are other people here who deserve your spot a whole lot more, oh yeah, and go eat a burger, you look like you're gonna fall over.

some got it . . .some don't got it

Talent

That's what we're talking about here, ladies and gentlemen, talent. Some folks got it, some don't. I think those were some bad lyrics to some country song back in the day, but in reality, they are it. Some people are blessed with gifts. Others are not. What boggles my mind is the tiny things that make or break people's careers.

For instance . . .
How does someone like Britney Spears make a comeback after all that drama and weight gain and whatever drug use she did? She comes out with a new album, that's the same damn formulaic "Circus" themed album that so many people have done before her . .. AND DONE IT BETTER. Helloo . . . . Come on now. It's pathetic. Her synthesizer voice does not make me want to buy "Womanizer". It makes me want to buy a bulldozer to run her over with. If Kevin Federline hasn't tried to do that already . . .

My friend Adam . . .
He's so talented. He has this voice that is so rich and soulful, it's like Stevie Wonder and India Arie and Tracy Chapman and Michael McDonald and Melissa Etheridge had an orgie and out came Adam. Although, that would be one weird looking child, and he doesn't look anything like taht, he just kinda sounds like it. Soulful white man syndrome. How do you market him? What kinds of songs should he be singing? How do you get him heard? I'm not his agent, but I heard these two songs he wrote the other day, and I think to myself, If only someone famous heard this boy, that's all it would take. But how do you get there ?

My friend Lisa . . .
She read me some of her poetry and it blew my mind. This girl shouldn't be in graduate school with me, she should be getting books published and having meetings with other intellectuals about the meaning of life. Alas, she needs to pay bills. But I mean her poetry is magical, and how is anyone ever going to read it? And it must be read. This is why I get so frustrated. I know all these people with all of these talent, and I want the world for them, and then there are these aholes that are out there with no talent, only making it,because they are related to someone, or have a lot of money, or whatever trashy story got them somewhere.

Do you have to sell your soul to make it? I mean look at Beyonce. People compare her to Etta James and Aretha Franklin. I got news for you. Beyonce ain't no Aretha. Aretha was the Queen of Soul. Beyonce is That Good Lookin' Chick Who Sings Hip Hop. Beyonce acts like a diva. Aretha is a diva because of who she is and what she does. You can't fake being a diva, you are or you aren't. I mean, don't get me wrong. Beyonce has some talent, and she can dance, and she's very pretty. But "if you like it than you shoulda put a ring on it" wouldn't be a lyric I'd put my name on. I mean she's famous for songs like "bootylicious". To me that doesn't sound like legend in the making, it sounds like overproduced girl group drop out to me.

And then there is Brady, who was discussing with me the idea of finding her voice, as a singer, and I think she is on the right track, totally. You have to listen to lots of people , and find where it is comfortable for you, to be singing. I remember, always wanting to sing Pop Diva songs, and then when it got down to it, i was more comfortable with Bonnie Raitt and Joni Mitchell. They suited me more. It's amazing to me, that in my twenty some odd years I've seen so much talent, and the people that have made it, aren't the ones who was in awe of. They were the lucky ones, the rich ones, or the pretty ones.

I always was one of those people that thought, if you were talented enough, you'd make it, "they" would find you. I don't know that I believe that anymore. I mean, I've been rereading Sheri's script, and damn, I can see it in my mind, she is a phenomenal writer, with this amazing way with natural and funny dialogue that I can just see on screen. But how is it ever gonna come to life? I guess that's why I'm gonna attempt to get Gary to have people look at it. I don't even know if he'll take me seriously, but if he's as close to Andrew as Andrew makes us all think, then maybe he'll think about my request. I mean he knows what it 's like to struggle, his wife is a singer and I'm sure she didn't have an easy time starting out, trying to get recorded and get gigs and so on.

I always thought that when I found love, I wouldn't need the art. That somehow, the starving artist living in my soul would pack up her duffle and say, "kid, it's been a great ride, but i'm going to some other attention starved girl who needs me now, ciao" and that would be that. But, even though I'm in love, and I'm grateful and happy, I still love the arts, and have that need to create. I don't think it ever goes away. I just think it is always somewhere, in the background, a quiet but steady presence. And I know that if I ever want to sing, there are people out there who have confidence in my ability. And although that is not a recording contract, to me, there is nothing better than a few key people believing in your talent.