Peace, love and warm breakfast item?
I was in a store today, and saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that said, “peace love, and pancakes” What is that all about? I understand wanting to promote peace and love, I'm all for that kind of good energy being spread around, but as for pancakes? The randomness of the word completely invalidates the statement she is trying to, or her shirt is trying to make. Oh, she turned around, her shirt is an add for a local breakfast joint, it all makes sense now, they are trying to be catchy with the clever logo.
Random observation number two . . . posture. I haven't really thought about posture lately, but the other day, in class, the professor discussed how she expects good eye contact and posture. I think this is perfectly reasonable. However, I was just surprised to find this girl standing in front of me with the most narrow waist, and hourglass figure of the gods. Yet, when this girl leaned over by the counter, she flattened herself out, not unlike a pancake . . .and then her perfect hourglass had dissolved, and she looked flattened and smushed. Her posture made her figure look completely different. I often take posture for granted, but if it can do it to a girl with a figure like that, than maybe I should think about my own more often.
Random observation . .. the third of the day . . .a woman is wearing a designer handbag, like a Marc Jacobs or somethin really fancy and pretty, but is wearing sweatpants, merrells and a fancy old lady work blouse. I thought I understood fashion, but maybe this is not fashion, merely convenience? Because I honestly would feel embarassed leaving the house looking like that. And I'm not judgmental when it comes to clothing. I spent two thirds of my college experience in pajamas and pigtails. Hmm., maybe that's why I never found a man there, I never bothered to get dressed. It's ok, I found a man right where I needed to, on the internet, heheheheeh.
Obs 4- a color thing? There is a couple sitting to the right of me, and they strike me as odd. The man is a light skinned, relatively good-looking African-American male, early forties or so, I know he worked for the Obama Campaign, he gave me a button awhile back. So he's sitting there at his table doing official looking things, and a girl, yes I said “girl” twenty years his junior in a white trench coat, black sweatpants and silvery flip flops comes over and sits down with him. I've seen the two before. It's just an odd coupling. She looks young and manipulative, probably has a whole lot of nothing under that coat, too much makeup on, I know the type. She is giving him this look of practised interest and enthusiasm, as if she is trying her very est to care, with the pouty lips and slightly arched eyebrow. It's nauseating. He is totally into her, with his foot around her leg, and just seems like a genuinely nice dude. Why do women take advantage of men? Where do they get this power from? When I met Pierre I felt like we had a mutual attraction and appreciation of each other, I was not out to seduce him or something contrived like that. We fell into each other, and I think that was really healthy. But these women who manipulate men so obviously make me kind of nauseous, that kind of confidence to just know, you will get what you want, where does it come from? Are you born with it? Can a parent instill it in you?
You know what though? I could be completely wrong, and just acting on instinct to think these things of this woman. They could be legitimate friends, or acquaintances. Maybe . . .Only the people sitting there really know .. .
Friday, September 11, 2009
Am I Grown?
Am I Grown?
I could think of every cliché in the book to describe the way I'm feeling now, but the pathetic frustration I'm feeling is not very noteworthy. It's only worth writing about so that maybe I'll feel a little less of it, to ease the burden of the frustration combined with angst, worry and overall impatience that have been reigning over my life like a wicked stepsister.
What's wrong with me?
I'm listening to this song by Chrisette Michele called “Another One”. I don't know why this song makes me feel so gritty and emotional. It's probably a combination of the chord progression and certain key phrases
“baby I'm a grown woman, doin' real grown woman things” Am I grown? Absolutely not, but I do feel more like an adult than I used to. . . you know the whole having to make money and support ourselves thing . .. yeah, that pulls at me a bit.
She keeps repeating certain key words that set me off and make me emotional. Stevie Wonder does that to me all the time, certain phrases, like in “Overjoyed” there is a certain chord progression in the beginning of the song that along with the lyric just makes me want to cry rivers of tears. Every single time I listen to it, it happens. I don't know if it happens because I want that emotional release, or because music has always touched a part of my soul that I never could explain.
I remember, when I would take voice lessons, how I would always focus on certain phrases, even if they were slightly less significant to the piece, but because they touched a certain part of me. It was often difficult for me to separate myself from the song I was singing. It still is.
And should we? Should we separate our daily lives from the raw, gutteral, emotional stuff that lives down in our souls, that we keep pushing down until eventually we are flooded with it?
I come back to Chrisette Michele on this unbelievable album . .”epiphany”
“if you wanna cradle me like a little girl, and knock me down, i'm not your possession, I'm a full grown woman, I am not your porcelain doll”
Her lyrics are very “pro-woman” anthem-esque. Sometimes, at least in my life, I feel like I need a pro-woman anthem to sing. Sometimes, I feel like I am surrounded by sucking-thewomanin-programming. We watch these shows on tv, like “Mad Men” where Jon Hamm is a god who treats women like shit, yet we are drawn to them. Why am I drawn to it? It seems foreign to me and I'm intrigued. The truth is, it's not so foreign. I've dated lots of men who have treated me like a second-class citizen, and like the women on that show, i've enjoyed the attention, and not stood up for myself when I needed to. I”m embarassed to say it like that, because I definitely consider myself to be a feminist, but in the heat of the moment, we want that intimacy, and the most wonderful thing in the world is to feel wanted. But how do we feel about ourselves the day after?
I'm married now, so I don't have to worry about the dating scene, but a whole new set of challenges arise, within the confines of normal marriage “stuff”. I just hope I'm strong enough to negotiate it, and to retain a sense of self, and pride, as a woman.
I could think of every cliché in the book to describe the way I'm feeling now, but the pathetic frustration I'm feeling is not very noteworthy. It's only worth writing about so that maybe I'll feel a little less of it, to ease the burden of the frustration combined with angst, worry and overall impatience that have been reigning over my life like a wicked stepsister.
What's wrong with me?
I'm listening to this song by Chrisette Michele called “Another One”. I don't know why this song makes me feel so gritty and emotional. It's probably a combination of the chord progression and certain key phrases
“baby I'm a grown woman, doin' real grown woman things” Am I grown? Absolutely not, but I do feel more like an adult than I used to. . . you know the whole having to make money and support ourselves thing . .. yeah, that pulls at me a bit.
She keeps repeating certain key words that set me off and make me emotional. Stevie Wonder does that to me all the time, certain phrases, like in “Overjoyed” there is a certain chord progression in the beginning of the song that along with the lyric just makes me want to cry rivers of tears. Every single time I listen to it, it happens. I don't know if it happens because I want that emotional release, or because music has always touched a part of my soul that I never could explain.
I remember, when I would take voice lessons, how I would always focus on certain phrases, even if they were slightly less significant to the piece, but because they touched a certain part of me. It was often difficult for me to separate myself from the song I was singing. It still is.
And should we? Should we separate our daily lives from the raw, gutteral, emotional stuff that lives down in our souls, that we keep pushing down until eventually we are flooded with it?
I come back to Chrisette Michele on this unbelievable album . .”epiphany”
“if you wanna cradle me like a little girl, and knock me down, i'm not your possession, I'm a full grown woman, I am not your porcelain doll”
Her lyrics are very “pro-woman” anthem-esque. Sometimes, at least in my life, I feel like I need a pro-woman anthem to sing. Sometimes, I feel like I am surrounded by sucking-thewomanin-programming. We watch these shows on tv, like “Mad Men” where Jon Hamm is a god who treats women like shit, yet we are drawn to them. Why am I drawn to it? It seems foreign to me and I'm intrigued. The truth is, it's not so foreign. I've dated lots of men who have treated me like a second-class citizen, and like the women on that show, i've enjoyed the attention, and not stood up for myself when I needed to. I”m embarassed to say it like that, because I definitely consider myself to be a feminist, but in the heat of the moment, we want that intimacy, and the most wonderful thing in the world is to feel wanted. But how do we feel about ourselves the day after?
I'm married now, so I don't have to worry about the dating scene, but a whole new set of challenges arise, within the confines of normal marriage “stuff”. I just hope I'm strong enough to negotiate it, and to retain a sense of self, and pride, as a woman.
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